MatoskA

Mixed Circle Facilitation

October 12-15, 2023
Bakersfield, CA

It is time for us to bring circles of women and men together.

If you ask what are the men learning?

If you ask how do we support women?

We invite you to join our journey

Building deeper relationships between men and women.

If you enjoy being in nature

If you enjoy working physically with men and women to build trust and connection

If you are open to the commitment

Reading online materials and resources
Four 90 minute online sessions
Four days of in-person mixed circle work

Logistics

Course Schedule

The journey culminates in the in-person retreat 12-15 October in Bakersfield CA.

Date

Location

Topic

28 Sept 2023 (Thurs)

Online
4:30-6:00pm PST

Logistics, agreements, intentions, introductions

5 October 2023 (Thurs)

Online
4:30-6:00pm PST

Mixed circle example

12-15 October 2023 (Thurs-Sun)

In person
Bakersfield, CA

Retreat

19 October 2023 (Thurs)

Online
4:30-6:00pm PST

Integration

26 October 2023 (Thurs)

Online
4:30-6:00pm PST

Closing

Retreat Schedule

The retreat begins with arrival in the afternoon of Thursday October 12, and departure Sunday afternoon October 15.

Date

Morning

Afternoon

Evening

Thursday
12 October 2023‍

‍

Arrival

Building the container from virtual to real
Physical presence
Trust most/least
Story virtual vs physical
Fearless self examination
Navigating from virtual to real
From phones to physical
Removing the screen
Behind the screen
Who's behind the screen

Friday
13 October 2023

Mens and women's circles
Waking up
What is your story about wo(men)?

Connection, expression and container building

Fireside sharing circle, communal and individual connection

Saturday
14 October 2023
‍

Sunrise ceremony and somatic practice
Familial and ancestral traumatic release

Relational reframe
Writing a new story
Ancestral remembrance

Communal Feast and Celebration

Sunday
15 October 2023

Gift blanket and gratitude
New embodiment

Departure

Location

The retreat location is about 1 hour from Los Angeles International Airport, and 40 minutes from Bakersfield Airport.

Accommodations

Camping on site

Space in the Tipi

Cots on the enclosed porches

Two queen beds in guest house (shared bathroom)

1 private room in main house

Shared kitchen, living room facilities

Meals from Thursday dinner through Sunday breakfast are included.

logisticsintentionagreementslogisticslogisticslogistics

Intention

There are many types of circles. Sharing circles. Cooking circles. Hanging out circles. Food and wine circles. Circles just for women. Or for men.

They each have a different setup and feel.

If it is a circle for doing the work, what do you mean by 'the work'?

Example of a circle 'doing the work':

"We are here to do energetic, somatic or intellectual processing to reframe trauma or story. At the highest level, we wish to heal or become a better version of ourselves."

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

Agreements

Agreements create the boundary between the inside and outside of the circle. They flow from the why.

Examples of agreements for circles intending to go deep into personal process :

  1. Time boundaries. "We meet at 6-8:30pm. We will respect the time, and only change them consciously and with agreement from all."
  2. Time respect. "Show up on time or a few minutes ahead. We will end on time, or ask permission before going over time."
  3. Being present. "No substances unless part of the work. Nothing that keeps you from being 100% present. Please contact the organizers if there are questions or ambiguity."
  4. Healing is done by the individual being healed. "No rescuing. If somebody is having an emotional experience, do not rush in and coddle them, sooth them, or try to make it ok. Let them be in their experience."
  5. Physical boundaries and safety. "Do not touch without permission. In general, work without touch." It is easy for members of a circle to become familiar, to touch and hold and connect unconsciously. If the circle is an open circle, we do not know the new person's history. Even among members who 'know' each other we, or they, do not know if there is a history of PTSD, sexual abuse, etc.
  6. Confidentiality. "We are free to talk about our own experience, but do not talk about another member's work. Share the lessons but not the story. Share what I learned about me, who I am, how I am, how I show up. Share my experience, what the experience meant to me, what doing work has meant to me."
  7. Non-violent communication. "Speak from the I. Own your feelings, statements, perspectives, perceptions and projections."
  8. No advice. "No advice unless asked. In general, no advising, period. Instead share one's own experience and reflect. Avoid sharing theories. Stick with what you are learning from the conversation. No attachment to outcome."
  9. Privacy and intimacy. "Some work within circles is very intimate. Even within the circle it is important to respect the privacy of those you are working with. Details of 1:1 conversations and other interactions are sensitive and should only be shared with permission even within the circle - otherwise it is sufficient to say 'the conversation we had was very powerful, it made me realize...'"

Circles fall apart because agreements are not clear, not conscious, not spoken or written. Over time, unconscious agreements will tend to arise - 'since they do that, then I can do this'. This results in acting out sideways, leaky energy and eventual dissolution of the circle. The cleaner the agreements, the greater the integrity and strength of the circle.

Agreements are not meant to be perfect or inflexible, and are not rules or regulations. They are a framework by which we consciously illuminate our beliefs, projections, similarities and differences, and practice negotiating, finding common ground and appreciating the viewpoint of the other as our own:

  1. If agreements need to be clarified, take the time to discuss them. This is part of the work in the circle, and should arise either in logistics or the conflict/agreements/clearing section of the circle.
  2. If agreements need to be changed, take it as an opportunity to sharpen the focus of the circle.
  3. If agreements are broken, take it as a time to assess and take action, i.e. whether someone should stay in or leave a circle.

We have experienced many cases where looking rigorously and discussing agreements was a deep learning experience and an essential part of the power of the circle.

Logistics

Take care of logistics outside of the circle. Logistical topics include:

  1. Time of the next meeting
  2. Agenda for this meeting and the next
  3. Coordination
  4. Communication of decisions - we will skip next week's meeting, so-and-so will be hosting next week's meeting, etc.
  5. Logistical discussions - when and where should we meet, who will bring what, what to expect when you get there etc.

Message threads are good for logistics, if kept focused.

  1. Use short and concise text messages.
  2. For discussion and decision making, use direct messages and 1:1 chats.
  3. Send updates and other information in an email.
  4. Keep photos and voice memos on topic and succinct.
  5. If more sharing time is needed create the time for it in the circle, or assign pairs to work together.
  6. Encourage asking for support in the thread - 'Is there a brother or sister who I could chat with this afternoon?"

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

Gatekeeping

The gatekeeper filters and aligns energies before they enter the circle.

Gatekeepers include:

  1. A 'sensei' who stands outside the threshold of a circle and asks questions before the circle begins.
  2. Elders interviewing participants before a plant medicine ceremony
  3. The organizer of the circle speaking with each person when inviting them to the circle
  4. Members of the circle discerning who to invite among their friends.
  5. Online filters - write an email, begin a conversation, fill out an application.

The gatekeeper, whether sensei, elders, organizer, circle members or an online process, screen and align energies coming into the circle.

Some questions a gatekeeper may ask:

  1. Recognition and acknowledgement - "Who are you - what is your name, given name?" -
  2. Heart opening - "Why are you here?" For masculine circles, a harder 'why the fuck did you show up' is the first step towards opening the heart and releasing projections and expectations. For feminine circles, 'What are you here to heal?'
  3. Introspective question - "What is at risk for you to be the man/woman you always wish you were? If you could be the person you say you want to be, what would you have to change inside?"
  4. Commitment - "Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get what you need from this circle?"
  5. Intention - "What is your intention in joining this circle or ceremony?"

The gatekeeper is creating a holographic wall, not a physical barrier or judgement - but also must exercise discernment. If someone gives a confusing answer, a gatekeeper may reflect back: "I reflect that you are a little confused on why you are here...I invite you to consider why you are here."

If there is a misalignment with the energy of the group it is up to the gatekeeper to gently close the invitation and suggest further reflection, or to open the decision to the group to include the new member or not. It is important that the gatekeeper is aware of their own judgements and projections.

An important gatekeeper function a pre-ceremony interview for new participants, conducted by the facilitators. The purpose is to:

  1. Uncover potential medical or psychological issues
  2. Hear any concerns and answer questions.
  3. Understand where each person is coming from - their level of familiarity with ceremony, medicine, facilitation.
  4. Sense energy and intention and ensure alignment with the group
  5. Build trust and relationship

Threshold

Thresholds are created through physical and symbolic gestures including:

  1. Smudging with smoke, oil, feathers
  2. Closing a door
  3. Lighting a fire
  4. Candles denoting the boundaries of the circle, spiritually and physically
  5. Arranging seating in a circle
  6. Removing hats, sunglasses
  7. Wearing sacred clothing or objects different than the every-day

An online circle may include:

  1. Announcing the beginning of the circle
  2. Requesting that everyone turn their camera on and be fully present (including refraining from eating, drinking, etc)
  3. Asking everyone to 'check in' in some fashion.

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

Invocation

The circle must be connected to sacred space and energy.

  1. Honor direction. To know where you are going, you need to know where you are. This includes honoring the spirits of the cardinal directions
  2. Honor spiritual presence and invitation. This includes honoring the spirits of the land, fire, earth, water.
  3. Honor ancestors. "Every one of your ancestors did something right, or you wouldn't be here right now, loved."
  4. Honor culture and society. "The work of our culture and society gives us the resources and technology so that we may meet and connect"

The sacred connection should also be the beginning of dropping into a deeper state of vulnerability and humility and sense of sacred love and care. Along these lines:

  1. The universe/God/the spirits have invited us to learn, because they love us.
  2. The sacred spirits are witnessing us, we are presented to them
  3. We are here for our healing, to receive medicine.
  4. We are grateful for this opportunity and convergence of energy and love.

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍